I didn't end the way I started

Why is it that I can be exhausted and barely coherent for my children at 630PM and yet, at 9Pm I no longer have the desire to go to bed despite the fact that I have been up since 530.
The recent (10 mins ago) discovery that my house wasn't cooling down today because someone made the AC a fan...I have no idea who pushed buttons when and made that snowflake disappear.
Michael will be having a booster shot tomorrow and I haven't told him yet, he was too tired to hear it today. I will bribe him with whatever it takes if I have to and I am not afraid to admit it.
I made fries with gravy for a night snack...and considered adding cheese.
If you are going to judge me on that then I guess that's up to you but sometimes I have to do what I have to do to get by.
Other comments in my head that could or could not be said out loud are:

• What is the point of camping if you are going to bathe your grubby kids in a Rubbermaid Bin?...seems a bit anal to me and that should be saying something based on my ocd...but I like you anyway.
• People don't call you because you are difficult to talk to, because it's all about you and not a 2 way conversation. And they have their own things going on sometimes.
• When I read your FB status, I know you have ASB so why don't you just write 'look at me! look at me!'
• I want to be your friend still but I find it increasingly difficult to connect across this distance...oh no wait! That's the bridge you burned down and I refuse to rebuild AGAIN
• Please stop lying to me and everyone else and just tell the truth, it will save us all in the end since most of us know as it is
• Please stop asking me when I am coming over, I am not, I will not and I cannot. And it hurts that I can't and have to keep telling you because you don't get it
• Your 16year old son looks so much like his daddy...but I can't say that to you because he isn't now, nor ever was a part of that kids life...but damn! does he ever look like him!

This all kind of looks like venting now...oops but at least I feel better.

*titled after being written

Snap out of it

It's a bit early in the day to be feeling as low as I am. I had my 2 cups of coffee before 7. I don't have a plan for today and it's supposed to be 36 degrees out. I was suggested some plans but can't bring myself to tell people that I can't do that because I don't have any extra gas in the van until payday... which because we only just got a tenant for the suite means that payday for me won't really be until the 15th of August. There is likely to be another $20 for gas before that but that still isn't any extra to drive all over town or to a small town only 45 mins away to visit with friends or family doing fun stuff.
Gabriel is already cranky.
The AC machine in the living room is loud. The hum and vibration of the fans and the TV working to be louder than them is giving me a headache.
I had better snap out of it before today goes down in flames.

In Lieu of the aforementioned video

Michael's bottle cap collection. After OCD. and before OCD. ;)

Rainy day activities. Cookies and foot spa time

I want to video Gabriel doing something and show you all because it's great! haha keep that in mind and wait for it.

photo post

My lounge lizard

My fire bugs

My special '3rd' child.

Camping campfire goodness

Good or Bad

Do you want to hear the happy fluffy news that we went camping this weekend and it was wonderful ? or the I had to buy a new battery for my vehicle before we left news? The I am upset about something somebody did and I don't know how to let go of it to stop letting it affect the way I deal with others? Maybe I should wait for the pictures to download.

apparently

I have plans to go camping this weekend. Despite the fact that I am not nearly as planned as I would like to be I am very much looking forward to this.
Dinner with friends last night and dinner with other friends tomorrow night makes everything all right.
I realize now how oddly selfish it sounds to say that some people used to care that we lived in the same town as them... I don't care if they don't! ha! I have people who are happy to have me and my family over for dinner.
Gratitude for the moment...for new friends, for long lasting friends (ups and downs...mine and theirs), and for my dad.{he really deserves a long mushy post that I am not truly capable of }.
I could still go for more hugs...from people other than my husband...does that sound odd?

There's always room for dessert, just like he always has energy for sex no matter how tired he says he is.
Wink Wink

IMG00057.jpg

Somebody needed a nap.
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

About the video

Turn the volume way up. If you don't understand french it will take you a bit to get it, if at all.

There are 8 key areas on his report card Reading, Writing, Speaking and Listening, Math, Science, Social Studies, PE and Fine Arts. The options are Not Yet Meeting, Approaching, Meeting and Exceeding.
He is meeting in all areas except one, where he is exceeding. Based on the video can you guess what it is?
My favorite paragraph from hi report card (not the whole report this time).
" Gabriel is a sensitive and caring person. He is kind and respectful. He has been working on thinking some of his actions through before he acts. It remains a challenge as he is very active. Gabriel is also self-confident and self motivated. You do not have to wonder what he is thinking because he expresses himself very readily."
I like the next paragraph too but I will leave it. I am so proud of him and this reminds me that I must be doing something right.
How come parents don't get report cards? what would the key areas be? LOL
I think mostly I am meeting the expectations.

P6240073.AVI

Something

So here we go with the super vague cryptic blogging...someone said something to me yesterday that has me ticked off (I was downright pissed but I have had some time to chill). So here is an affirmation for me...
I may not be happy right now, but mostly my choices are what brought me to where I am. I continue to stand by my choices and there is not a single thing that anyone can say that make me doubt myself. I alone have the power to change when I am ready and willing.
I stand by my choices and that is important to me.
Obviously what was said has me thinking, (but never doubting) right now I want to say all the quick witted venomous replies. I can control myself...remember 'nobody likes bitchy Mer'.
Smile and breath deeply the peace from this and distance will come naturally.

Something nice or Nothing at all

If you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all... I have never been very good at that.

• The weather is finally going to be summer this week (or so they say)
• My kids are good..most of the time. The rest of the time I am too tired/cranky for their antics and it's not their fault

It sucks that this is all I can seem to come up with.

To whom it may concern

I will not be bothered by the fact that you continue to walk around with your head up your ass spouting nothing but crap.
freaking small town ungrateful assuming morons. ugh. retard (that's right I said it...the R word)

Primary Fun Day

Team Purple getting ready for the Tug O War.

Michael and his friend playing cards while their big brothers play Primary Fun Day.