Expectations

I'm just now starting to wonder if the 'holiday' stress is about expectations and not traditions.
Once again (as with every year) Christopher and I don't see eye to eye about this thing we call Christmas and I am the bad guy with a tight grip on my debit card and a panicked look at my balances and their imbalance.
I hope that I get better at this without giving up what's important to me.

I knew I had been neglectful of the blog but I didn't realize just how much so until I saw the date of my last post. The thing is I can't think of what to tell those of you who choose to read it. I have lots I can bitch and complain about but I don't think I feel like doing that right now.
Christmas is always a difficult time for me. There are some conflicting messages out there and it upsets me when I think about it too much. Mostly I hate the lies I tell my kids about "santa' and I am pretty sure I have talked about that here before too. I also hate all the buying when I have other things that require my money. Having said that it's a trap and we are already this far into it there is no going back, the best I can do is hope that the kids figure it out on their own and we can adjust our traditions accordingly in the next few years.
I am grateful for many things lately and when I keep them in mind the rest doesn't seem as daunting.

• I was only laid off work for 3 weeks before being called back
• I have a job
• Despite this nagging cough I am healthy
• Regardless of how much snot comes out of their noses my kids are healthy too
• Gas in my town is the 2nd cheapest in Canada (almost always, between 1.05and 95cents/litre)
• I can spend my Sunday morning drinking hot coffee and reading blogs, facebook and post secret in my Pjs and feel the furnace on

Life is good when you only see these things.

Post Secret

I put the Post secret App on moms ipod touch and I think it's making me numb to secrets. It used to be every Sunday I was thoughtful and moved by all the secrets and now they all sound the same. I know they aren't but none of them are getting me all teary anymore. I guess if that's what I was going for I will have to pace myself and not read secrets for an hour (or more) everyday.
Along the same lines only different... I have made my facebook page slightly more public by adding some people and now I am feeling censored over there which may mean a little more comes out on here, because I can be as offensive as I want here but not over there. Make sense?
The real news that I am not sharing over there...not anything really.

From moms ipod

This is just a test. I was hoping to do some reading while michael watches a movie and Chris watches fights. Instead I ended up with this. Hahaha
In other news I am done work and have more to tell later this week with all my spare time.

OK so, now that I have slept on things here's what I have come up with.
I think that the title of Aunty is hollow and meaningless unless you have a connection to the child that is more than a shared bloodline or marriage. I know that for some long distance families is a part of life and it's what you are used to but guess what? I HATE IT. I want close relationships with my nephews and niece(s), believe it or not I want to have improved relationships with sisters. Remember how part of moving to this place was about other people...not the whole thing but partly...well that part of me is having trouble dying.
The laundry still didn't get folded.
The letter did get written.
I think other people should go now so that I can be angry and sad and hurt all at once because it now seems inevitable.
Don't worry, I'm just in a bad place right now, I'll get over it. If only there was someone to talk to...

Naturally

Someone recently said something to me and then '...I come by it honestly...' I think I would use the term naturally instead but either way, it's something I can't seem to help.
Someone is expecting and I knew it, I just knew it. I didn't tell anyone how serious I was of my suspicions, but surprise not surprise they are due in March, do the math they were before they left weather they knew it or not I did. Although that doesn't really get me any closer, and it's the same non-closeness so why do I let it bother me? I should really stop it. I should probably also stop caring what's going on in other peoples uterus's...I mean really why should it matter to me?
There is a posting at my work for Permanent shift of what I am only doing casually right now, which would mean no lay off on Halloween, same everything else though. Initially I wasn't going to apply for it but now I am thinking 'why not?' I don't really have anything to loose from it, so I am writing the letter tonight.
I don't know how the big spaces showed up at the bottom of my posts since the whole new interface thing.
Michael ran cross country (1.5K) with the Gr.3 boys and got 60th place, his brother was 68th.
My back is kind of sore today. I should type meeting minutes but don't want to. There is still a load of laundry to be folded waiting for me on the couch.


Uteruses isn't a word? Is it then Uteri? hmm strange

How I do it all

How do I do it all???
Honestly so far my biggest hurdle is laundry and that was always a hurdle.
After the one terrible night of no supper I simply meal planned for the rest of the month of September, did a detailed shopping list for the 2 weeks, a little bit of prep over the weekend and Voila!
The other hurdle is making it to the gym, however I feel that my job is fairly active, certainly not replacing any workouts but not the same as laying around watching TV or playing computer games all day. Once soccer is over and the kids will be at Karate 2x/wk I can go to the gym during that time.
The house is no more or less clean or dirty.
I did just remember about a couch full of laundry I should fold before I go to bed.
I think a 3rd child would be way more work than taking the easy way out and going to work. (So those of you with 3 or more hats off to you!)
In other news:
I am pretty stoked to be going to see my sister and nephew(s) and other assorted family over Thanksgiving.
I am  even more stoked for payday on Friday.
The new blogger interface is still too white for me.
More but I don't remember because now I want to go read my book and fold laundry.

Day Job

Now that I have worked a complete week of my new job I shall tell you all about it. Grrr when I push enter I want it to start me a new paragraph not the start of this line again.
I work from 9-2, it's called the Mommy shift, because that's who works it mostly. It's M-F, and it's minimum wage. I use a handheld computer to walk around a warehouse (that is so big you can't even wrap your head around it) and pick items out of boxes and place them into the box on my cart. My handheld tells me where to go, how many pieces to pick up and how many should be left behind. The warehouse if full of fancy sporty brand name clothing, shoes, and accessories (ie: quicksilver, volcom, oakley). It's not a difficult job. It requires minimal brain power, I haven't messed up enough to notice that I have a boss yet...I mean there are always people available to help me, just not anyone I perceive as my boss...there's an HR department and stuff too but like I said not a boss that I have noticed yet.
With my first paycheck (with 11 days on it) I would like to do so many things, but I think I am going to get some dental work (the bane of my existence) and maybe a payment to the Credit card that I had to use in order to buy the steel toe shoes that I have to wear to work. Lame I know, I was hoping for something more fun but for now that's it.

I'm not too sure about his new interface with all the whiteness.
I got the job and start on Monday.
I awake with a headache and it's only Friday of the first short week of school.
The job is a 9-2 warehouse shift.
I am so happy that my kids go classes that they are happy with this year.
I bought steel toe boots for work, they cost $100.
When I push enter after every sentence it takes me back to the beginning of that line, not the next one, lame.
I am looking forward to my first payday in 9 years, but I think it's already spent.
I try and keep my house clean enough with the main motivation that if Nick Stokes from CSI came to my house to investigate my mysterious death he wouldn't think I was a horrid housekeeper. (I gotta go with what works for me)
That last one sounds a but Post Secret-esque...because of that I can't seem to come up with anything else.

A million little thoughts

• I have a great sense of relief that comes with the thought of Laundry Tuesday being re-instated as laundry day
• For the 2nd time all summer my kids are sleeping past 7 (it's nearly 8) and there are friends going to be here at 830 and there are only 6 days left. How I wished they had figured out sleeping in sooner.
• The school called me yesterday and the number on the caller ID gave me a sigh of relief...knowing that they are there and that this 'summer break' will be ending.
• I didn't need someones facebook link to a news post to tell you that this is too long to be out of the loop...why do we hang on to an ancient system if it doesn't work anymore?
• Payday is tomorrow
• I applied for a job that in the add boasted 9-2 shifts...which is really the only reason why I applied, that and I need some cash flow
• I spent the day yesterday somewhere with backwards ass hillbillies who didn't have enough bricks put together to make a full load (if you know what I mean) and I managed not to loose my big city bitchy on them for being...what they are. It took a lot of deep breaths and I know that yesterday was the wrong time for me to attempt something like that I was NOT in the right place going in.
• I will get a grip...or maybe I just need to loosen the one I have?

Someones moving

And I am not supposed to say whom just yet. Top secret. But...since I doubt any of you know or care that much....J&A are moving to Courtney. oops I was planning on being more discreet than that.
Actually no, I wasn't.
Maybe I'll get into it one day for you or maybe I already have but for now it is what it is and it doesn't seem like it'll be a major loss for me.

Potter

In the interest of keeping up the happiness at home and here on the blog I shall have a brief discussion about Harry Potter.
For my children over the last 3 weeks I have been reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (aka #4). I am an excellent out loud reader, the children sit quietly while I read and it holds their attention. The trouble is that I had said we couldn't watch the movie until we had read the book, that happened tonight, I could have slowed down and stretched it out over another week but I didn't. I wish I had, because I forgot how truly choppy the movie was and how much was missing and how it didn't follow the book and I forgot to remember that that movie is the reason I have not watched another one since. The kids enjoyed it somewhat, Gabriel did express his disappointment with it, Michael claims it wasn't scary...and it wasn't really because we knew what was going to happen and it was nothing near as intense as the book.
Generally speaking though I do love Harry Potter. I thought that the guy who played Cedric Diggory looked alot like the one who plays Edward in the Twilight movies...just going off commercials (because I won't watch those either). I wonder if it's the same guy...probably not, probably there's a way to google that but I don't actually care.

I love camping....but alas I have blogged about this already.

Why do people do this? It was strange, silly and awkward for me...why would everyone else want to see it? Who's business is it but mine? I tried it...and I don't get it, and I won't be making it a profile picture.

Headaches

I have a list of things I think about blogging, and then I don't. Somehow this became my complain space again and then it looks like I am unhappy when in fact I am not unhappy.
I have a headache that woke me up this morning and I didn't even drink the bottle of wine. A pinch in my shoulder that makes me able to move like a robot. I am going to get it massaged later this morning.
Some news without complaints ~ Kids passed at school and will be moving up a grade for September... Grade 3 and 1. Both had areas of exceeding expectations, although Gabriel's had a word of caution that it might not continue if he doesn't slow down and try a bit harder.
~ We are reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire together this summer. Both of them joined the Summer Reading Club through the library.
~The Suite is vacant until late August but it is also paid for (not entirely but enough) which means that overnight guests can stay in their own space when they come...when are you coming?
~My mom was here last week and we had a good time that I am sure would have been better had it not been the last week of school and my pms time
~Mom got a ride home with the kids school principal, because she has a place in that town too
~ There are overnight guests in the suite right now. :)
~I need to do some Pampered Chef business this month, I mean get real about it and stop coasting because someones spending habits need me to.
~ We are going camping in just over a week and I am excited to see some long lost friends.
~ I have got my tan 'on'. and sitting or laying in the sun really helps me to feel good
My company has just woken up so I am off to hostess :D

Fathers Day

Briefly I will say that yes I love my dad and have an excellent relation ship with him and all that jazz, also that I love my husband and the father that he is to our children, but this post isn't going to be about that.
This is about me.
I can't stand ridiculous 'traditions' that mean early morning crumbs in bed and photos of sleepy barely pyjama-ed people in my bedroom. I don't like it when it's my turn to sleep in and await breakfast in bed, I don't even like breakfast usually so why would I want it as early as that and in my bed?!
My children were loud this morning, like every other morning, I got up with them, fed them shushed them incessantly to 'let daddy sleep'... I think breakfast in bed is dumb, I know that he didn't really want it and he ate it anyway (like I am often forced to do) but why build the phony? Shouldn't the kids know that the only real gift they can give us is their silence in the morning? They chose oatmeal and toast for him, just sounds so heavy to me, I guess it doesn't matter as it is not my day. I need to re-work these Special days. because right now I don't feel like anything great happened because I couldn't even drink my coffee before I had to help make the breakfast and carry the try...guess what that means? it means I was cranky, I like 5 minutes to myself in the morning and I am only just getting that now, 2 hours later, it's going to take a lot of work to fix up my attitude for the entire day... and what does it really matter since he had to go off  to work anyway?

8

Zero

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

*We didn't own a digital Camera in 2004.
...and he seems a lot bigger now.

People sure can piss a girl off....but don't mess with me since I have proof.
I am not trying to be cryptic I just don't have the energy to detail out the petty drama of others.

I used to be really good at giving myself up for friends, like saying the right things when they are upset. Today I noticed I wasn't doing that for someone and I wish I had but what I am pretty sure it comes down to is that I don't have anything to give right now. I am tapped out. I thought I was going to type it all out and that's what I'd usually do but I am not ready for that or I am past the window of opportunity. Whatever the case may be I remember that I am fine and OK with the choices I make.

Mer loves when people forget that Facebook is a public place. Thank you to someone I don't even know for letting their crazy side out all over someone else's profile page. It's funny to me, since I know what I believe to be true.

Camping

This was taken at the peak of the hike that we did when we were camping last weekend. I think I'd like to go camping every weekend. No, really.
Reasons why I'd rather be camping:

• Chris is there and not at work
• There is not computers (and I don't have the self control at home when it's right here)
• There is no fighting kids about video games, because there are none
• Fresh air
• Junk food
• Friends and Family
• Booze
• Good night hugs from a group of people (don't get me wrong I love how much of a hugger my husband is but sometimes it's nice to get hugs from friends too...without having to ask for them, because if I am at the point of asking then it's too late and I am crying)
• Kids freedom...they play like wild animals in the forest or ride bikes to the other side without supervision, it builds their independence and I <3 it.
• no cell phone service
• no laundry to do
• no dirty floors to wash

•  Out door games

• afternoon siestas in the open air
• marshmallows
• night fires
• kids play getting dirty and I don't stress about the mess in the house because there isn't one!

Dirty little vent

Nothing ever changes! Somehow no matter my efforts there will not be any summer camps for the boys. Not even the 'cheaper' ones. (oh an somebody who will soon be 8 wants a birthday party that isn't at home $$$)
I guess I am still hanging around with people who are way out of my league...I am not so acutely aware of it as when it come time to pay for stuff.
It doesn't seem to matter that the suite downstairs is occupied. It makes no difference that I am working the Pampered Chef thing. There still isn't any more $$.
The price of food keeps getting higher and because of that I think the quality of what we are eating is getting lower (since its cheaper).
BTW I made nearly $400 from the Pampered Chef in April...do you know what I got for it? Brakes in the van. woohoo we can drive around safely. I like that there is 'something' to show for it but I would have preferred that it be a lower MC balance or a savings account with $$ in it.
I guess I just have to keep on trucking...pulling up the bootstraps isn't working and out belts are as tight as they will go.

whoops

So I fell off my wagon on a slippery slope that lead me to the place where I am ...here, climbing up out of a hole. Let me be clear it wasn't a bad thing in all areas... just some and I noticed it (after nearly a month)
I am now in a place where I will be getting a phone call from someone who misses me M/W/F by 9 am  if they don't see me. Who is this person who misses me and cares....drum roll please...
It's the gym.
I feel better when I go than when I don't and after a few weeks of phone calls I am sure that I will be back on the track that I want to be on, that I was on. I accidentally took the K train to sad and lonely town. I am not blaming my dear friend for whisking me away (I am fairly easily swayed away from the gym) but it wasn't as good for me as the gym is. whoa, who ever thought they'd hear that from me? ha ha
More great things to come.~

Tribal Council pt 2

I had no idea that the first one was part one. I really thought of it as more of an extended version of a FB status (which I couldn't post there because people would get their panties in a twist).
Anyways, big long meeting with the power out most of the time and nobody really left feeling good about what was decided... how the heck did that happen was also the reaction of a few people.
I have minutes that I took that I can barely type because there were so many things going on at once and so many people speaking out of turn and off topic. Mostly this was the 'chairperson' but I can't fault her for it...because finger pointing isn't nice and doesn't get us anywhere good. There is only 1 more scheduled meeting where she is Chair, except for the one extra meeting we are likely to have next week to work on resolving our issues. Because nothing makes me happier than having a meeting about the meeting. UGH.

Tribal Council

It's a PAC meeting tonight but it has a certain feeling of Tribal Council to me. Alliances will show themselves and quitters can go home because the Tribe will have spoken. Players will play their parts.

Motivation

Motivation motivation where for art thou motivation?
So, for the first time in a 4 year membership at the gym I skipped 2 weeks with no good reason. I have in the past missed 1 or 2 workouts in a week because I have been out of town or sick, but never 2 solid weeks and never without a reason. A real reason. I had no real reason. I accepted excuses and made some too.
I made it back this week.
Lets be clear here, I was in a bad place (as most of you have figured out) and skipping the gym made it worse. I always feel better after I go, ALWAYS. No matter how much I don't want to go I feel better after even if all I am doing is dragging myself through the motions. I have 'friends' at the gym, who can listen and share with me. They are sometimes the only reason I bother to go, and for 2 weeks when I didn't go not even the thought of them could get me there.
I made it back this week and saw my friends who all asked where I was, what I had been up to, and why I hadn't been in? The closer of my 'friends' knew that I was in a bad place and were glad to see me back. I was glad to be back.
Now if only I could get motivated to do other things outside of basic survival mode.

What have I been up to?

Things that I have been up to and meaning to blog about that I can only hope to come back to:

• Organizing the PAC because with 3 years experience I am the only one who knows anything. There is an AGM coming up and well, nobody has been nominated for anything so it should be exciting as always.
• Working my Pampered Chef business (which I want to go into greater detail about)
• Kids and soccer on the same night of the week
• getting new clothes from a friend who didn't want/need them in her closet anymore has doubled my 'decent' (style of clothing not just hoodies & Ts) wardrobe.
• My 5 year old the bully.
• My 2 week stint of skipping the gym for no good reason

Hope to expand on most of these topics soon.

Unhappy thoughts

If I was Wendy (from Peter Pan) I don't think I'd ever get off the ground, no matter how much pixie dust Tink sprinkled at me.
I have been cranky for sometime now.
Crankiness just makes me crankier that I am cranky...and I don't want to be. UGH!
I have no major complaints, and I feel that way since complaining isn't going to change anything.
OK let's forget that and list some gratitude so that I can give my head a shake:

• I am grateful that it has been sunny and warm for 2 days since the last time it snowed
• I am grateful that my children listen well and are healthy
• I am grateful for the freedom to blog without restrictions
• I am grateful for a beautiful weekend visit with Michelle and Justin, and the quality of our time together
• I am grateful that my husband loves me...does that even make sense? I just love that he loves me even when we are stressed out and cranky

And quickly some wishes & hopes:

• That someone comes to rent the suite (because its that time of year and it's empty)
• That Miranda's baby boy stays put inside her for 3 more months at least
• That I get some stuff done around this house tomorrow (in case you didn't know crankiness= unmotivated for housework)

God-Dar? Gay-Dar?

I don't know what it would be called but I guess it would be something related to a 'gaydar'. Let me rewind and explain an unusual thing that I am experiencing lately.
At the kids school there is this really nice young mom named K. She is fun, sweet and helpful and I know she is one of a handful that is younger than I am. She wears a scarf covering her hair. I never paid much attention to it. I did notice one day how really pretty it was and how neatly she had it over her head and I remember thinking...I wish I could look that nice in a scarf...(scarves look messy on me somehow). The someone asked me 'Do you know K very well? Do you know if she is Muslim and that's why she covers her hair all the time?' I was blown away, I hadn't even noticed that it was all the time.hmm. My response was 'uh, I hadn't even realised it' I don't look at people with that on my mind I guess.
The something happened again just yesterday, I was at the school helping with Hot Dog Day; L and I are talking about the Spring Concert of the night before and she tells me how it was nice but just not the same as a Christmas one. She asks me if I know the rationale behind it and I tell her what I was told....the teachers thought they would have more time to prepare Spring things than Christmas and people are so busy at Christmas and Principal never does a Christmas one never.  That's when L says to me 'Is Principal a Jehovah's Witness, is that why?' Again I am blown away I had never even thought anything like this I had completely bought all the other reasons given to me they do make sense AND I don't really give a crap when the kids have a concert since I am not religious and neither are my kids.
So what's it call when it's a religion-radar? Because mine is shut right off. I am pretty sure my gay-dar works most of the time, I can also usually figure out lots about people I am resourceful, but not a stalker (too often lol). How have I missed these clues?
In other news I will ask K next time I see her what's up with the scarves because I can ask innocently and she will answer me sweetly. I like her not matter what, also I think I like Principal well enough that unless she comes to the door with pamphlets it doesn't matter to me.

Post Secret

If Post Secret were instant today mine would read:
 I cried more at the death of your dog than the death of my father-in law.

computers

Computers are not my friend right now. My email won't open...something wrong with outlook...whatever it wasn't sending or recieving for 3 days anyway. I do get them on my phone thank goodness. I am in charge of the email account for the PAC though (which is a completely different web based system) and the messages in there won't open and be read, so I only get the first line of the msg in the little preview space. And I am trying to download the catalogue files to the Pampered Chef thingy so that I can enter yesterdays orders and  it has been 'preparing to down;oad...please wait' for a looooong time this morning.
Naturally these are all things that I am certain my husband can fix and the more natural part of that is that he is at work today because he had to train Umpires yesterday. For those of you that either don't know or have forgotten, this is the busy season for him. He hates his job right now, he hates his bosses, and all that goes along with that...like long hours to please unpleasable people and missing his children. He does get a touch of the 'never home' guilt which means I essentially have a free pass to whatever I want as long as it doesn't cost too much. Oh yeah and overtime and long hours do NOT make a payday difference.
Today~
I am short tempered.
My children are loud.
I am worried that my public letter to my friend was not well recieved and it makes me sad... I miss her.

Pampered Chef

I have decided that I would like to become a Consultant for the Pampered Chef. A day job wasn't going to work for me at this time and I really love all their great kitchen stuff. Most of you already know that I have quite a bit of it too. I am hoping for your support as I start this home based business. All I ask is that you come look, eat snacks and support me by coming. Bring a Friend or 3!

This isn't my webspace yet but I will have one shortly. Please use this to look at products online and prepare yourselves. Please don't use the my calendar, contact me, join my team or host a show options since they aren't mine yet

http://www.pamperedchef.biz/lynnettekies

Dear Friend

When I read your blog I miss you. But the thing is I don't really have anything to say to you...or that I feel I can say to you. The most unhappy state of your Holland Holiday stirs up many things that I would like to say. I don't know how to approach the subject of any 'normal' everyday stuff because your days are so very different from mine and it would be most ungrateful of me to complain. You are doing an amazing job advocating for your son and your family. You are incredibly strong and I hear the sadness that you aren't ashamed of. As much as I cannot complain I cannot be boastful either because I don't want you to be upset further, your life has plenty of that without my fuel to your fire. I have been thinking how I should just 'act normal' and write you a letter or send you a card and then I can't think of what to write in it. I want you to know that if I lived closer I would help you in anyway I knew how, that I would hug you daily and buy you coffee for a pick me up, look after your smaller children, cook dinner, call people, write letters and give people dirty looks when they give you their looks. I don't know how to do that from here. I want to be able to offer you something, I feel like I have nothing for you. I want to help you, and be closer with you. I want to 'act normal' because I am sure that you don't want me (or others) to treat you differently. Can you help me to be there for you...tell me the rules, or guidelines...I know you have so much else going on but I just can't find my way to you.
~M
p.s. My honesty is menat to be helpful, not harmful.

I was

I was in the middle of a post last Saturday when the phone rang and I was given the news that someone close to someone close to me passed away. Sound too convoluted? I think it might. My mother in laws Husband passed away after a long and VERY painful 2 year battle with cancer...I cannot even tell you what kind of cancer because as far as I know it was everywhere.
I have some thoughts on this that most of you (all 8 of my readers?) know and I think that they are best left at that except that I am cranky and need to bitch about something and if you are reading my blog you know that mostly bitching is what I am good at. So long story or crazy ranting point form?
The man who died lived a very full life until the last little while when he was no longer able to due to many physical ailments and disabilities. I will not speak ill of the dead, but you can't make me lie about him either. He had many different lives (over 60 or so years) with 4 wives, 3 of those wives gave him a total of 4 daughters. The oldest daughter had limited contact with him on and off for her 40 years of life, she has 5 children. She mourns the loss of a man she never knew, she asks those who knew him to tell their favorite story or memory, she asks if those who knew him knew about her and her children. She says she wants the truth...I don't think anyone really gave it to her... let me lay it out here...we knew the man had grown children on the other side of the country, we knew not where, we didn't know how many children she had, we didn't ask and so he never shared with us. I have no favorite memory, he was not someone I enjoyed the company of, he was not fun or good for me to be around (I couldn't tell her that!). What did I tell her? He watered down the cool-aid, he was stubborn (which is a slightly nicer thing to say that he was pig headed ).
I have more but I am interrupted.

Strange that during my little picture post project, especially near the end I thought; 'hey I have stuff I want to blog about I better get this picture thing out of the way so I can do that' and now I am done and keep thinking about all the things to blog about and none of them seem like anything anyone would like to hear about and since when is that why I blog anyway? back to a slight blockage in bloggage? I hope not. I also hope not to bore you all to death with what's really on my mind.
Now that that's out of the way I will have a post that will bore you all to tears.

A picture of someone I miss

That's it

That's the whole list of picture post and I only cheated sometimes. I wonder should I go back to bitching and complaining now? Maybe I will stick to picture posts and keep labeling them as I see fit. There are plenty of people I miss and loads of stuff that makes me smile.

A picture of someone you miss

A picture that can always make you smile

A picture of something you're afraid of

I don't know. It's not like snakes or spiders or car crashes... I don't want those things to happen but I don't like in fear of them. Or anything for that matter. I guess this one is another skip for me right now.

Interrupt the scheduled blog post for a good old fashioned rant

I am all or nothing.
I am black or white gray can take a hike.
There is a right and a wrong.
If you have a problem it is yours and not mine.
Hold nothing in, it helps no one....honesty and truth will actually set you free.

I wonder how many people I rub the wrong way. I think I am a good team player and I genuinely care about people. I let the petty garbage of 'she said - she said' go, what feels like a long time ago. If you don't like my way you can take the highway, with no love lost or bitterness. Simple nothing is best.
I can say sorry and I can mean it when I say it. If you accept then that means it is done and we are over it. I can accept an apology in the same way. Lets put on our big girl panties and be grown ups. You want to talk to me I am right here. You want me to see your way or your side I can look, I can accept it if I made a mistake, you can even teach me. I never said my way was the right way or the only way, it's just the way I know.

A picture of yourself and a family member

There are many family members in this picture. I really like the black and white.

A picture of something that means a lot to you

Something sounds very materialistic to me...
So this time I went for it. My mobile device means alot to me. Go ahead judge me I don't care. I don't know what I would do if I had a 'phone' or even nothing. Once you go blackberry you can't go back. This is a picture of my pretty special mobile device, from the Internet (not actually mine but mine is exactly the same).

A picture of your day

Honestly this has been my last 4 days. 2 with each child. They are sick. Cards, water, waldo, pjs and tv.
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

A picture of something you wish you could change

Again I don't really like this one since it implies some dissatisfaction with some aspect of myself. And most days I really am ok with who/what I am.

A picture of your favorite book

Another tricky one...
and I cheated and put all 7.

A picture of something you wish you were better at

I can type decently I just wish I was a bit better at it.

A picture of something you wish you could forget

I have been thinking about this one since I first read the list for this little tangent I have been on with the pictures and here is what I have come up with. I believe that every experience teaches us something and builds us into who we are today. Meaning that there really are no regrets and therefor nothing I wish to forget, because if I forget it then I might have to learn that lesson again or suffer that pain in another way or repeat a 'mistake'. So basically I don't have anything for this one.

A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

 Yup, for real, the great wall of China.

A picture of your favorite animal

 I don't really have a favorite animal and when I started tot think about animals I was like I don't hate them I just don't really like any enough to have a favorite. Also favorites depend on context... My favorite animal as a stuffed one is certainly different than one to look at or see in real life and all of those are different than one I would own as a pet (btw never say never...but NEVER).  So I picked a fictional animal to share with you... a Jakalope.
Anyhow  I started this yesterday and not finishing it until now when I noticed the tab open...guess I was busy.

A picture of your biggest insecurity

I don't really know if this counts but it is the closest thing I can come up with... I am not secure in the fact that I am doing good enough for my children to keep them out of therapy as adults. I just don't want to screw them up.

A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

The snow. And coldasswintertown in which I live. It has been a huge COLD impact on my life.

A picture of someone who inspires you

That man inspires and motivates me to do my very best in everything that I try. (but why are my eyes so squinty?)

A picture of something you want to do before you die

It might sound lame but I want to travel (to far off places) before I die...you know, as in see some of this world.

A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

I cheated a little there are 2 someones in this picture...Neither one of which I can imagine my life without...not to mention the person who helped me make these 2 and bring them into this world.

A picture of your favorite band or artist

This one is tough since I don't really listen to tonnes of music (although I enjoy it when I do).
 I don't know... but I do like her.

A picture of something you love

I Love nachos!

A picture of something you hate

Gosh...hate is an awfully strong word. There are some things that I really don't like but Hate is harsh.
I hate being broke. all the time.

A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with

haha it has our kids in it too.

A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

Umm...not to sound selfish or anything but truly I am the one who gets me through the most of my own stuff over the last 30 or so years. I know I have tonnes of people who have gotten me through stuff different people at different times for different things and certainly over the last 14 years other than myself it has been my dear husband but somehow that answer didn't seem to fit for me.

A picture that makes you laugh

They have underpants on their heads.

A picture of your most treasured item

I didn't get to this yesterday because I was pondering the 'material' aspect of it which doesn't work for me. My non material most treasured things will appear on here soon enough under other titles. I will likely post the next one today in order to be following the list in a daily fashion.
Oops I forgot to say...it's coffee I think maybe I am only thinking this way because I am loving mine right now....mmm...morning coffee.

A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

I just want sleep. and I do like Lasagna.

A picture of your favorite memory

This is the best one I can figure that describes my favorite memory. That he was ok despite being born early.

A picture of your night

Making valentine baggies with kids.
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

A picture of the cast from your favorite show

This one is hard for me there are plenty of shows on TV that I like. So I am going with my favorite show that is on tonight.

A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

This one is tough. Closest and Longest makes it tricky. I am going for closest with least interruptions and still close with.

This is also the lamest picture I can find...but sadly I think it might be the most recent....must remember to make efforts to have smiling good pictures with close friends. Michelle...is in the background there behind Gabriel. I don't know if with this little project I am supposed to get into the details but since its my blog I shall do as I please. Michelle is my longest closest friend the closeness came in 1992, out of nowhere that I can recall. I love her better than a sister. She saved me when I was beyond lost, I got lost again but always found my way back to her. I think of her everyday. She doesn't live very far away. We are close in a way that this picture really doesn't show. I don't think a picture could even show it and my lame words certainly can't describe it.

A picture of your self with 10 facts

(#1 from the FB list)

1. I wear a size 9 shoe
2. I have 3 sisters
3. I am in love with my husband
4. I don't have matchy bedroom furniture, or a bed frame it just isn't a priority for me
5. I enjoy scrabble
6. My favorite flower is Irises
7. I drive a minivan (and hate that I love it)
8. I used to party a LOT
9. I work out 3 times a week (plus an extra class on Thursdays)
10. I wear glasses to see with when I am driving

Change of plan

The whole childhood thing isn't working out for me, so I am changing my plan to something I borrowed off of a facebook I saw. 30 picture posts as per a random list that someone somewhere created. Starting soon.

Childhood Pt2

This was my 4th birthday...I think. I don't really remember it but I sure do look happy.
I really am still thinking of ways to make this more exciting, the thing is I don't know if I can write nice little stories about my childhood. Also Fiona, I had no idea you would feel that way after my last one, I know not everyone sees my childhood as I do but I wasn't expecting to get that from you and now I feel like I should address your feelings and those of other siblings. ugh. that sounds like a drama waiting to happen though, which was not the purpose of this theme.

Childhood stories Pt 1

I was born. Shortly thereafter this photo was taken. I don't remember it. I was planned by my mother, wanted, and loved.

What's it going to be?

Thanks for the comments and emails about my last post. I have some ideas now, and this isn't the first time that I have thought a post about my life before marriage etc. would be interesting, or even posts about my family...honestly I keep thinking that everyone out there knows the whole family thing. I don't know if it will be 30 posts about anything...30 seems like a big commitment but we'll see where they lead me. Based on most of your reactions (all 4 of you that chose to say something) I am going to post about my childhood and my family (not the one that I made, but the one that I was born into). I might even post pictures of olden times. I just have to figure out how to make it sound like it was nice and happy...not that it wasn't, just that the general dialogue in my head is negative and traumatized about it.
This might even start today.

Truth

The truth is that I am tired of this tired blog and every time I come here I only think of something tired to say. I need some motivation even if only it is a silly theme to keep me going...Some blogs I read are doing a 30 posts about a certain subject,  some blogs I read are on the gratitude kick, some blogs I read are about their resolutions, some blogs are all about their huge life changes...I have none of these. Someone did a poll to get her readers to help her choose what to blog about for 30 posts, I am not savvy enough to work that out and I don't think I have enough readers for that to work. If I wasn't me I wouldn't come to this blog, it's lame.
I need a theme, a guideline...

oops

Oops I posted nothing so far about either Christmas or New Years. I am pre-occupied. Also I am remembering how very public the Internet is...and although I am not worried about who reads my blog and all of that non-sense I am choosing to say nothing at all if I can't be either nice or discreet (if you know what I mean). Besides who really wants to hear me rant and rave and be ungrateful all day long? I don't so why would you? I am not saying that the ranting and raving will stop, I am simply saying that I don't want to be that way right now. Right now I am content until I think too deeply about anything. So we are all better off if I don't 'go off' right now.